Have you all returned after vomiting from the sight of this week’s unspeakable horror? Good. See, I told you this one was going to be a whole new level of bad — though obviously not bad enough for some people. I remember how after spending weeks warning my editor Andrew about this page, when I finally showed it to him he went, “Oh, that’s it? That’s nearly as bad as I expected.” Are you kidding me, Andrew?! How can it possibly get any worse?! You have a sick and twisted mind, sir, and I fear I’ll have to stop paying you in Bavarian porn. Those Bav’s are into some kinky shit. (Note to our Bavarian readers: that was just a joke and I hope you don’t take it personally. I’m sure your porn is no more or less kinky than the rest of the world’s. Neither Andrew nor I support porn discrimination.)
Anyway, if your sight has returned by next week, I do hope you’ll join us for some more King of the Unknown. No more kinky granny sex acts. I promise.